Sex with Gifted Women
I consider myself a feminist… and by that I mean that I am a man, who, though he is a man, is to all that is female and feminine an ardent and devoted fan. Interestingly, if not unexpectedly, this is a position that has seemed to alienate me from both genders for as long as I can recall. I don’t mind that so much, since those whom I offend the most are the most firmly “encamped” in their roles. And I don’t really care to be liked by fundamentalists, or by anyone who holds an opinion above reason — especially an angry opinion. Plus, standing astride an ideological line permits me to do what I love to do the most — translate and make introductions — 
Last night, once again, I found myself having to correct some misconceptions about my relationship with my wife. This happens all the time when we meet new people, and I usually don’t mind it. In fact, the reactions we get follow such a predictable pattern, I could have a script sitting in my lap — lol. The “play”, as it were, depends on the characters present. When it’s a strong woman who digs her (but has failed to de-couple female empowerment from man-hating), she assumes that Im an oppressive cad, who is somehow keeping the brilliant beauty a prisoner in our SF apartment against her will. To them I say “Talk to Lauren” and she will set the smitten unter-lesbo straight, tout-suite. When it’s a couple, it all depends on whether they are threatened by our relationship (once the true dynamic is apparent) or curious, and whether that curiosity has a strong sexual component, and whether that sexual component can be held in check by the couple. Lauren and I are monogamous but very frank, which confuses many people. Single men don’t usually hang around once Lauren has politely rebuffed them. And that is a shame, because they are the ones who need the most educating. Neanderthals, we don’t make any time for. But then there are… let’s call them Men 2.0… men who have received some training from enlightened women, and are maybe just a little confused…there we can usually do a lot of good. The gist of what we try to impart is:
WE’RE ALL JUST ACTORS HERE, BRO — LIGHTEN UP, SMILE.
THERE’S A NEW PERFORMANCE EVERY NIGHT.
In my article The Feminist and the Pornographer, I tried to bring some perspective to the perceived relationship between Sex and Violence towards women in the context of porn:
It’s not hard to imagine that respect for women was one of the first things we had to learn when we started to civilize. But the men didn’t do it altruistically. They just wanted to keep their own women safe from the other men. And since we had rockets to build, it made sense to button things up as best we could as quickly as we could with the law, chivalry and a thin rubric of Romance.
The women, seeing that the men were now struggling with ideas and no longer with each other, produced feminism, both to empower as a community and to raise the value of sexual intercourse. Which is not to say that the arguments of feminism aren’t valid, only that they arose as much from cultural opportunism as moral imperative…more
After our lovely dinner conversation last night with some new friends, I started thinking about what might be another way the feminist imperative has outlived its usefulness, or could at least need some adjustment.
I have not read this book, but this sounds correct to me:
In the book, Kerr looks at seven of the most influential studies that have significantly impacted gifted females today. In her discussion of this research, she reveals a theme that continuously surfaces in these studies; gifted women struggle between their longing for close relationships and their desire for achievement. Kerr points out that the introduction into the “culture of romance” plays a large part in the direction gifted women choose to take.
More specifically, Kerr discusses the internal and external barriers faced by gifted women today in the chapter “Barriers to Achievement.” Kerr writes that by the age of seven girls learn their sex-role stereotypes and by age eleven begin to lose their assurance in themselves and their abilities. Kerr goes on to say that the biggest internal roadblock for gifted girls seems to be the psychological adjustment to being who they are compared to society’s expectations…more
The problem with Feminism in its traditional form is the same as the problem with Affirmative Action. At some point the message that there’s a reason you need a “hand up” becomes more damaging than the reason. For example, this crap — I wouldn’t want my daughter being told by anyone that she should brood in a corner and write “healing poetry” — fuck that. My little girl, if ever I am blessed to have one, would kick your ass. Period. You’d be the one who needs to write healing poetry, if you messed with her. You feel me? If as a society, we are concerned with our treatment of Smart Girls. Let’s start by saying…”Angel, it’s your brain, and you can do anything in the world you want with it — including nothing.”